Dear mom,


This week we prepared for floating, for negotiating, for feeling fragile and learning to feel held at the same time, for next year, for next Friday, for a sense of finding and loosing. Loss keeps coming back at us. Destruction, too.


We seem to become ready for how care and violence co-exist. With consent. It is a messy and painful preparation, interspersed with moments of bright, cristal clarity while being tied and tying. Those moments are not painful, but floating and calm.



Dear mom,


 You taught me that violence is that thing which happens when something happens that goes against my will, or beyond my control. I think in many situations this leaves me feeling bereft thinking it’s of my own doing and therefore can’t be violent. That’s what you taught me. I think that maybe you and I have a hard time allowing the going together of care and violence. In the other direction, this also makes me feel only violated and submitted in certain situations, while there’s also care going on. That’s messy, and confusing.


Amongst other things, I think we prepared for a confusion of what I thought I knew.

How about boundaries?


Shame and guilt

Are we ready? @@


Wish you were here to feel it too.






Leuven, June 2021